Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
