I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
