Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
