Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
