Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
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Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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