Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize