If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize