Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
