Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
