Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
