u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
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While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
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I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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