I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
