The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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