I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
