i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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