i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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