so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
