Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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