She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
