I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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