you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
