I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
