if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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