His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
