Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I love you. Go after that dick
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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