i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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