dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
