first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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