Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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