And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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