I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
