Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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