i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
