everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
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I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
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I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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