That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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