her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
