How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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