is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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