I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
