this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
