I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
