does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
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I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
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I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.