How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How does one acquire holy water?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC