Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
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don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator