stop calling my apartment porn island.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
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He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
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I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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