Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation

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(404): View more from Georgia

If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.

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(804): View more from Virginia

Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is

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25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Read it at the TFLN blog
(330): View more from Ohio

I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.

(513): View more from Ohio

It has been happening a lot lately.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.

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(425): View more from Washington

Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household

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(607): View more from New York

This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.

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(303): View more from Colorado

No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.

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