it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
