Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
