Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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