Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
