he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It's just like the Real World with babies
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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