Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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