I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
