His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
