so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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