apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
