If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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