Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
