peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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