If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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