What did we do last night that was yellow?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
