Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
