Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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