We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
