So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
