If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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