if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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