I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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