That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
