Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
