If that was your dad, he is hot
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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