There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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