I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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