yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I bet he comes in French.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
