I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There's always time for handjobs
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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