it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it glows. i had to have it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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