yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
