***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
