remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
