Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
