Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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