The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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